I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
