i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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