So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
