I will die if light touches me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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