I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're like the curious george of whores
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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