thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
