Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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