If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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