So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
