It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize