Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
