I just made out with a guy for $7.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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