when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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