Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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