So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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