so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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