Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
