Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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