So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
