listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
