Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize