My room smells like vodka and shame
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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