I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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