As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
