I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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