i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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