When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
