So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
