Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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