i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
