Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
