hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
