Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
