His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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