They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
