i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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