If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
