Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
