I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
