I accidentally burped into my bong.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
