You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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