I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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