OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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