i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
