eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
