dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
did i just pee glitter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
