The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
