Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
