So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
