There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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