Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
