big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
