you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
