I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
