it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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