It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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