I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
