Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
