clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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