please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
