butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
