Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In other news, I just burned my penis
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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