I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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