I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
