Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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