Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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