He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
