i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
