My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
