I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
